GALLEY BEGGAR PRESS SHORT STORY PRIZE 2019/20

SHELLEY HASTINGS
‘Ella’

RAY PICKED US UP FROM PERPIGNAN. He climbed out of his rusty van wearing a pink vest and frayed shorts and embraced us both with his wiry long arms.

‘The Bristolians have landed. Look at you Sal! Still cartwheeling?’

He took my bag and ruffled my hair.  

‘I’m actually fourteen now Ray.’

‘Alright! That’s it for gymnastics then is it?!’ He laughed his deep gravelly laugh then started coughing.

‘Ello Maddie. Nice shades.’

She was wearing pink John Lennon glasses and a yellow, low-cut sundress she had bought at Tammy Girl the week before. Her dark curls piled on top of her head.

‘Thanks Ray!’ She smiled and pursed her lips at me.

Ray was my dad’s oldest friend. He used to live with us in the commune but moved to France when his girlfriend Hélène got pregnant. He wanted to get away from Thatcher, build a house and start a community. I hadn’t seen him for a few years, but he smelt of the same stale tobacco. He had the same wonky yellow teeth. He was just much browner, like a chestnut. He had a joint behind his ear and his hair in a limp ponytail running down his back. He was wearing dusty sliders that meant he had this lanky, shuffling walk. Nothing was ever a hurry with Ray.

‘Same battered van,’ I said.

‘Yeah man. You girls hungry? We can stop at the market.’

The van doors opened from the inside, so you had to pull down the window to get in. We both sat in the front. I tried to pull the seatbelt across, but it wouldn’t go.

‘Leave it, it’s broken. Don’t tell your old man.’  

Maddie linked her arm into mine and squeezed it. She was my best friend. We spent every single summer together. This trip to visit Ray was the first time we had gone away on our own. My dad had driven us to London and dropped us at Victoria. He had given me extra cash as we waited in line. I had watched him out the coach window as we turned out of the station, his arm raised in a wave, then he was gone.

Maddie looked over at Ray and reached onto the floor to pick up a packet of Rizla.

‘Can I cadge a roll-up, Ray?’

He looked at her and smiled.

‘I’m allowed! I’m sixteen. I smoke at home…’

‘She does.’

He shook his head but then took his pouch off the dashboard and threw it into her lap.

We drove out of the city, into the bleached yellow countryside and then up into the mountains. Eventually we came to a small village with stone houses and slate roofs.

‘Is this it, Ray?’ Maddie asked.

‘No. Our camp is about half an hour from here. Through the woods.’

He parked up next to the market square where every stall was under a different coloured umbrella. Then he leant out his window and called to someone he knew.

‘Alain! T’as été où mon pote?’

The man was tanned and bald, wearing blue overalls. He held a small piece of oily machinery with both hands.  He peered in at us through the window. Ray spoke to him quickly and fluently. Maddie looked at me.

‘He’s like an actual French person now.’

‘I know. So cool!’

We jumped out and Ray pulled an empty glass bottle from the back.

The market traders were mostly old men in flat caps with dusty aprons, money belts around their waists. They stared at us as we followed Ray around, Maddie’s arm draped over my shoulder. Ray was in his element. Haggling, laughing his gravelly laugh.

At the wine stall the man filled up Ray’s empty bottle and pointed at us.

‘Anglais?’

‘Oui,’ Ray nodded.

‘Peaux bien blanches!’

They laughed and Ray winked at us.

We walked back to the van.

‘What was that about?’ I said.

‘He asked if you were English.’

‘He said something else though…’

Ray pulled out his Zippo, lit his joint and blew out a plume of smoke.

‘He said you were pretty.’

‘That’s gross,’ Maddie said. She glanced back at the stall, where the man was bent over, one arm on the barrel, filling up bottles for his next customer.

*

Ray’s girlfriend Hélène kissed us firmly on both cheeks when we arrived. She was more solid than Ray. She wore denim shorts and vest with thick strappy sandals, her shaggy blond hair loose around her shoulders.

‘Ella’s hiding. She watched as I made your beds, then disappeared when she heard the van.’

‘Sweet,’ said Maddie, ‘how old is she?’

‘She’s three. I’ll show you where you’re sleeping...’

Their camp was in a large field surrounded by trees. There were piles of wood and sand at the far end. Ray and Hélène were carpenters and had started building a house, but dad said they were having problems with the planning. They slept in a camper van. It had a wide awning out the front with a couple of hammocks, a wooden table and upturned logs as stools. Next to the van they had constructed one section of the house out of wood, an open room with a half- built kitchen with shelves that were offcuts from the trees. A plastic green water pipe ran along the grass and connected to a sink and further on an outdoor shower that had a sheet on both sides but no door. On the opposite side of the field was a vegetable plot, a greenhouse and a small bell tent with a low table and rugs.

Hélène took us through the long grass to the bell tent and unzipped the front.

‘Alors girls. There are blankets as well as the sleeping bags, it gets cold at night.’

‘Thanks, Hélène. This is cosy,’ I said.

We bent our heads inside and put our rucksacks on top of the beds.

‘Okay?’ A bug landed on her arm and she flicked it off. ‘The compost loo is through those trees, be generous with the sawdust. I’ll get you something to drink.’

We pulled out our clothes and magazines and put them in neat piles.

‘It’s lush here isn’t it?’ I said.

‘Yeah.’

‘Totally in nature.’

‘Totally. Compost loo!’ Maddie crossed her eyes at me.

‘I know! Bit gross. I think I might be due on.’

‘Bad timing.’

I put my old teddy and pyjamas on my pillow, then we lay down and poked our heads out the tent, looking across the field.

‘I thought the house would be more finished, didn’t you?’ Maddie whispered.

‘Yeah, maybe.’

‘Do you think we could walk to the village?’

‘Might take a while. Ray can always drop us places.’

I pulled out my sun cream and climbed out the tent. Just along from us they had dug up the land and were growing tomatoes, runner beans and small purple lettuces. There was a greenhouse covered in thick opaque plastic next to that. Maddie opened the door and we peered in. The smell was overwhelming and sweet.

‘They are total hash heads, aren’t they?’ Maddie laughed.

Hélène was walking towards us with two tin mugs, smoking a roll up.

‘Girls, are you eyeing up my plants?!’ She smiled and handed us our drinks. ‘I’ve made lentil soup. There is lots of fruit in the baskets by the van. Help yourself. I’m going into Perpignan tomorrow for a few days for work. Ray will show you where everything is.’  

She turned and shouted into the trees.

‘Ella!’

She took her lighter out and re-lit her roll-up, blowing the smoke out of her nose. ‘The tent you are sleeping in is her little den. She is sulking!’

‘Oh no… it still can be,’ I said.

‘Ella! Viens ici!’

Out of the woods a small girl came pelting through the grass, her skin as deep brown as Ray’s, her hair blonde and knotty like Hélène’s. She was just in her pants.

‘Waaa! She’s like a little tree fairy,’ Maddie said.

Hélène smiled. ‘She won’t wear clothes or shoes. Takes after her dad!’

Ella ran straight into her mum’s legs, chubby brown arms wrapped around her shorts.

I held out my hand. ‘Bonjour, Ella.’

She was hiding. When she peeked, Maddie poked her tongue out at her. She looked at us but didn’t smile, her big brown eyes just blinked. Then she ran off towards the van where Ray was lying in the hammock, skinning up.

‘Don’t worry. She’ll warm up,’ Hélène said, ‘she’s always like that with new people.’

*

That night I couldn’t sleep. Maddie was breathing heavily next to me. I listened to the unfamiliar sounds of the woods outside. The only light was from the fire that was going near the van. I looked at Maddie, her mouth slightly open. She had beads of sweat above her top lip. I thought about the old men at the market. The bald man with oily fingers. I lay very still trying to tell myself that when I woke up it would all be sunny and beautiful.

There was a sound from far away, a low screeching. A bird, or maybe a pig. I didn’t know what kind of animals lived in the woods. I nudged Maddie, hoping she would wake up, but she turned away. I thought that if I closed my eyes something bad might happen. I heard movement in the grass, and I strained to listen, my body stiff, my eyes wide open, waiting.

Then there was music. It was Ray. He was singing quietly and playing his guitar. Hearing his familiar voice made me think of home, and of my dad, who used to sing to me when I was small. I turned over and cried into my pillow, then fell asleep.

*

By the time we woke up Hélène had left, and Ray had been into the village and bought fresh bread and pastries. We lay out in the long yellow grass eating chunks of baguette smeared in thick butter and jam. Ella sat watching us from the other side of the field. She was naked, her cheeks covered in chocolate. Maddie got on all fours and crawled through the grass pretending to be a tiger and eventually Ella laughed and joined in. We played tag weaving through the trees and Ella tried to hide, her hands in front of her face, convinced if she couldn’t see us, we couldn’t see her. Maddie swooped her up into the air and she giggled, but as soon as she landed, she ran back to the van and disappeared.

‘I’m working on her,’ Maddie said.

We dragged a rug into the sunshine and Maddie stretched out on her back, holding her face up to the sun. She was more developed than me, all curves to my bones, and much more tanned.

‘I’m in heaven. You wanna play cards?’

‘Yeah.’

She opened one eye and looked at me smiling,

‘I’m going to be the colour of Ray by the time I get back.’

I pulled a sarong over my shoulders and sat next to her, dealing the cards for Gin Rummy. At lunch, Ray bought us small icy bottles of beer and we held the cold glass to our heads, read magazines and snoozed, snacking on butter biscuits and the peaches Ray had bought from the market the day before.

*

The days merged into each other. We stayed on camp, sunbathing, reading, playing cards. Ella would sometimes lie with us, but she seemed to like being alone. She would sit in the long grass at the edge of the woods, digging holes, piling up stones, talking quietly to herself. Sometimes she would bring us dead beetles in the palm of her hand, stroking their shiny backs with her muddy fingers and offering them up like treasure.

In the evening we sat round the fire. Ray would sing or play his penny whistle while Ella danced naked around us, stamping her feet on the dry earth, her body golden, hair flying. She would spin, and we would clap her on, laughing and cheering until she fell, dizzy and breathless into Maddie’s lap where she would curl up and fall asleep.

‘This is what happens if you grow up in nature,’ Maddie said, ‘you are free.’

*

One afternoon Ray came shuffling over to our hammock with a joint and handed it to Maddie.

‘Hey Ray.’

‘Lazy day, girls? Tomorrow I thought I could drive you to the lake. I need to go and pick up Hélène, could you mind Ella for a bit? She knows you both now.’

‘Sure,’ Maddie smiled.

‘Thanks, man. She’s easy, she just gets on with it. You'll love it up there, it’s magic.’

*

Ella sat between us in the van, her chin up, one muddy hand on each of our knees. She was barefoot and wearing a dirty spotty dress.

‘Do you like swimming, Ella?’ I asked.

She nodded at me and then looked up at her dad.

‘Sois pas timide, Buba.’

We parked up on a dirt track and then had to walk for a while to get there. Ella was running, weaving between the trees and rocks. We had to sprint to keep up with her. Eventually the woods thinned, and we came out in front of a huge clear lake that was surrounded by pine trees. Rocky snow-topped mountains far in the distance.

‘Oh my god. This is mad. It’s amazing, Ray.’

I looked up at the clear blue sky and the trees reflecting in the still turquoise water.

‘There’s no one else here,’ Maddie said.

Ray grinned, ‘It’s a schlep, but it’s worth it man, you get less people swimming here as there’s no road access.’

He looked over at Ella who had taken off her dress and was crouched down peeing in the stream by the edge of the woods.  

‘It’s our lake, ne c’est pas, Buba?’

He pulled a joint out from behind his ear, lit it, breathed in deeply and then picked a bit of tobacco off his tongue.

‘This bit is the best place to swim from as it starts off shallow, but you can walk around and there are rocks you can climb and jump off, the water’s deep enough.’ He pointed to the woods that rose up to the left. ‘Don’t go up there, it’s steep and you would need boots man, it’s more of a hike.’

We laid our towels out on the mossy rocks on the edge of the lake. Half shade, half sun. Then we took out Ella’s towel, colouring pencils and snacks.

‘I’ll only be a few hours,’ Ray said, ‘thanks girls, have fun.’  He went over to Ella to whisper something in her ear and she clung on to him, her podgy arms wrapped around his neck.

Maddie stood up, ‘Maybe we should go over.’

But when we looked back Ray was waving and Ella was playing in the stream, poking a stick into the water. We took off our dresses so we were just in our swimsuits and lay on our fronts.

‘I want to get really hot before I go in,’ Maddie said.

We sat for a while flicking through the pages of our magazines.

‘Listen to this,’ Maddie said holding up the page, ‘My boyfriend is the only person I’ve ever slept with. I love him, but I’m worried I’m missing out. I’m jealous of my friends having sex with men they’ve just met.’ She started laughing, ‘Wake up! Her friends are making it up right…first time is never hot!’

‘Duh! Yeah obviously!’ I said.

I didn’t have a boyfriend, but I talked to Maddie regularly about my list of requirements. I wanted nice eyes, good trainers, funny, ideally with a car, but not a Tory and not too hippy.

I looked over at Ella. ‘Do you think she gets bored being the only kid?’

‘No. She gets to grow up in the wild!’ Maddie stood up, ‘I’m hot enough. I’m going in.’

She wiggled her bum at me.

‘Sexy.’

‘I’m going naked. There is literally nobody here but us.’

She peeled off her costume and left it on a rock and then stood on the edge of the lake, held her arms up to the sky and called out,

‘Hellooo!’

Her voice echoed all around us.        

‘Bonjour France! Je t’aime!’

Ella looked up from the stream smiling.

Maddie waded into the water and then grinned before shouting out, ‘Je t’aime Ella!’

We listened to her name echo around the lake. Ella started to laugh, splashing her feet in the stream. Her brown chubby cheeks creasing right up so you couldn’t see her eyes. Maddie dived into the water and I heard her gasp for air. She was a good swimmer, fast and smooth, her arms slicing through the water.

‘Sal! It’s amazing!’

She lay on her back floating and I stood up and watched her. Everything was so still. Just the sound of the trickling water of the stream and the quiet rustling of the trees.

Maddie came out of the water wringing her hair. I looked at her body, the dark curls between her legs, her full breasts, her skin was glistening.

‘It’s stony going in,’ she said, ‘but oh my god it’s lush, so refreshing.’

‘I’m going in.’

‘Go naked!’

‘No way!’

I ran, my feet splashing noisily. The water was cool and fresh, the weeds under the surface stroked my legs. It felt like silk. I didn’t like keeping my head under as I wasn’t good at the breathing, but I swam breaststroke looking at the reflections in the water. I swam right to the middle of the lake, watching the ripples come off my body. There were water bugs with spindly legs flying just above the surface, skimming along and then disappearing into the sky. I looked at the mountains in distance.

‘Maybe we should climb up there,’ I called across the water.

Maddie was sat in her sundress reading a magazine. ‘What? Don’t swim out too far.’

‘I’m not.’

I lay on my back for a while looking at the wisps of cloud above me. I wanted to be naked. I pulled off my swimsuit, treading water, then knotted it round my arm. The water felt soft on my bare skin. Like oil, I felt it coat me. I floated, revealing my skinny white body to the sky, my small breasts just breaking the skin of the water. I thought about the girl in the magazine who wanted more sex. Then I thought about Mo, the boy I got off with when school broke up, and how his beery tongue had made me sick. I had wanted him. He made me laugh. I liked his trainers. I had felt this ache for his body when he had pushed against me.

I touched the hair between my legs and let out a warm liquid that I thought was wee but when I turned over the water around me bloomed red. I watched it disappear, but something moved beneath me. I flinched and started to swim back. Maddie was watching me from the bank with Ella next to her, eating a peach. I unwrapped my costume from my arm and manoeuvred it back on under the water.

Maddie called out, ‘are you naked?’

‘No!’

‘I thought I saw your nipples!’

I started to laugh, ‘I took my costume off, but I came on and I think I felt something move.’

‘Probably a fish wanting to eat you. Have you got any pads?’

‘At the camp. I’ll use tissue. I’ll be okay.’

*

The sun was too hot to sit in for long, we had to keep pulling the towels further back to catch the shade. Maddie started a game with Ella where she would draw the head of a monster and fold it over and then Ella would scribble the next bit and they would keep swapping. They made a whole family of monsters with long legs and googly eyes and laid them out in a gallery on the rocks. Then they sat together on the edge of the water looking for tiny fish.

I pulled out the food Ray had left us and made mini sandwiches, biting the sweet yellow tomatoes into bits and lining the bread. We packed it into a bag and walked to the rocks that were like giant bleached out pebbles. We climbed onto the biggest one, our bums on the warm smooth stone and ate our food peering into the lake below. The cicadas started up, the buzzing and clicking filling our ears.

‘This is the best holiday I’ve ever been on,’ Maddie said. She squeezed Ella who was tucked under one of her arms.

‘Same.’

Ella’s eyelids were drooping.

‘I think she’s sleepy’ I said. I stroked her small brown feet, ‘Let’s have a snooze. I need to get out the sun.’

Maddie held Ella’s hand and we walked back to the towels where Ella lay down between us and fell asleep, her arms splayed out, like she had fallen from the sky. I lay on my front reading before eventually closing my eyes.

*

When I woke up the shade had moved. I was too hot, my lips were dry, and I had pins and needles in my arms. Maddie was fast asleep, her towel covering her eyes. I couldn’t see Ella.  

‘Maddie. Where’s Ella?’

She sat up on her elbows and yawned, ‘What?’

‘Where’s Ella?’

‘I don’t know, she was here.’

We both scrambled to our feet and looked at the stream where she had been paddling earlier and then at the rocks where we had eaten our lunch.

‘She must be in the woods,’ Maddie said.

We walked quickly over and called out for her.

‘Ella?’

Then back to her cartoon towel and her spotty dress that she had taken off as soon as we arrived.

‘Ella?’

I called louder this time, and my voice echoed around the lake. I was trying not to panic. Maddie started calling out too.

‘Ella? Are you hiding?’

There was no response. I felt a deep dread. Maddie ran to where we had lunch to see if she was playing around the other side.

‘Ella!’

After the echo, silence. We kept calling. Over and over. I went down to the water’s edge and started splashing around, looking into the clear deep expanse in front of me.

‘She could be in the water Maddie,’ I imagined her sinking to the bottom, ‘She’s so small. Oh my god,’ I started to cry.

Maddie ran past me and dived straight in. She stayed under water and I watched the bubbles come up.

‘Oh my god oh my god Maddie, please please please.’

She came up spitting water ‘I can’t see anything. It’s deep. Weeds and rocks.’

‘Ella!’

The quiet frightened me now. I ran back into the woods shouting her name.

‘Ella! Please don’t hide, we’re scared…’

Nothing. Not a sound. Maddie came out of the water and ran towards me and held me by both arms.

‘I don’t think she would have gone into the lake. She didn’t want to swim, she was paddling. She hasn’t been in the deep water the whole time. I don’t think she would go in on her own, do you?’

I was really crying now.

‘Oh my god oh my god Maddie what are we going to tell Ray?’

Maddie looked up at the woods and the sky and the other side of the lake and really shouted this time, ‘Ella!’

We stood, listening. Watching the stillness of the water.

‘We need help,’ Maddie said, ‘go down to the road and flag down a car. I’ll keep looking.’

‘I can’t speak French.’

‘Just go.’        

I picked up Ella’s tiny dress and ran down through the trees and onto the muddy path we had come up. I thought I could wave her dress at the car and they might understand.

‘Oh my god oh my god oh my god.’

The track turned into a road, but it was muddy not tarmacked and I knew I needed to go further to have any chance of flagging anyone down. I ran down to where we had parked and stood in my swimsuit in the middle of the road, out of breath, holding up Ella’s dress.

‘Please. Somebody please come.’

I imagined having to tell Ray and my dad and everyone at school and the French police and how we would have to go home straight away. How Ray and Hélène would hate us. I thought about Ella’s brown back sitting next to Maddie and her tiny feet. It was so hot, no shade, and no cars were coming. I started to think it would be better if I went to help look. I ran back to the dirt path and through the woods and under my breath I said, ‘please god please god please god may she be there.’

I could see the lake glinting through the trees and I came out into the clearing and our faded towels were still there and the colouring pencils and water but there was no one else.

‘Maddie?’

I ran to the side of the lake where we’d had lunch.

‘Maddie? Where are you?’

My voice echoed around the lake, then nothing. Silence. Fear crept up my backbone and into my neck. I turned around and ran back to our towels.

I called again much louder, ‘Maddie!’

Everything had an unnatural sharpness, the heavy blue sky, the thick green of the trees. There were tiny flies covering the peach stones. I picked up my towel and held it in front of my body. My heart was beating so fast, I could feel it thumping in my throat. Images flashed, Maddie’s breasts dripping as she came out of the lake, Ella golden and spinning by the fire, my naked body floating in the water. I looked again at the stillness of the lake and I thought, this is not a good place, this is not a good place to be.

‘Ray?’ I shouted and his name echoed back at me.

I ran to the bottom of the steep woods where I had last seen Maddie and shouted out for her,

‘Maddie!’

Then I heard someone calling back.

‘Maddie!’ I shouted again, ‘I’m here!’

And again, an answer in the distance. I ran quickly up through the trees moving in the direction of the voice. It was steep, and I tried to scramble up the bank holding onto branches, but the rocks and mud were dry and slippery, and I tripped, rolling down and hitting my head and grazing my arms. I pulled myself up, held onto a tree and kept calling.

‘Maddie!’ My voice was hoarse.

Eventually I saw movement up the bank, right at the top where the woods thinned out. The sun was streaming in so at first, I just saw a shadow. She was moving slowly, one arm raised, and I could hear her voice.

‘Sal!’

‘I’m down here!’

I fell to the ground then. I was sobbing, covered in dusty earth. There was blood running down my legs. Then through the trees I saw Maddie. She was crying, and in her arms was a small naked girl, her body wrapped tightly around her, holding on.