GALLEY BEGGAR PRESS SHORT STORY PRIZE 2024/25

TORIL COOPER

‘Honey’

WE WERE AT PEEWEE’S PARTY when we stole the bear. I say we, it was Honey really, but I was along for the ride, as Mum later said. We were upstairs on Peewee’s third floor. Peewee, with his overly gelled spiky hair and his slightly gapped teeth. With his wide corridors lined with ancient paintings of old, white dudes. His real name was James Jenkins, but there had been a weeing incident at primary school and ‘Peewee’ had stuck.

Me and Honey were trying to track down the supposed third toilet in Peewee’s too big house when we stumbled into a room filled with creatures on plinths. Furry bodies twisting around, mangled claws reaching into the air.

‘Taxidermy,’ Honey whispered, squeezing my wrist. 

We walked through the room, weaving our way between foxes and rabbits and squirrels all perched on wooden platforms, stiff with awkward glassy eyes and waxy noses.

Honey took out her camera and posed next to an owl, mimicking its hoot, and we both fell about laughing. Then she took photos of us each kissing a badger’s stiff cheek. When I pulled away I’d left a purple smudge of lipstick tangled in its fur. I spat on my sleeve and rubbed at it until it became brown and faded. 

Honey draped her hair over the squirrel’s head. ‘No, you do it,’ she pulled back. ‘It should be a hot, blonde squirrel.’

I put my face behind the tiny animal and fanned my hair out and Honey cackled, then she tucked her camera back into her bag and got out a cigarette. I said we shouldn’t smoke here, and Honey picked up a small rabbit and held it above her head and said, ‘but the rabbit of authority says it’s okay.’

Then we spotted the bear. Honey walked towards it and I followed. It was the size of a large dog, crouched on all fours, leering down it us, its teeth bared, its dark fur glinting in the light that flickered above it. A sign on its plinth read Sun Bear, also known as the ‘honey bear.’

*

Honey had only been at our school for four months. The first morning we met I’d been at the bus stop waiting in the drizzle when I saw her a few feet away. She had a cigarette hanging casually between French tipped fingers, her hair was long and black with a few thin golden highlights, her uniform trousers hugged her thighs in a way mine could never, and she wore far more jewellery than was allowed. I knew she must be new, or I’d have noticed her before. 

She got on the bus in front of me and walked straight to the back; clearly that was where she belonged. I sat in my usual spot in the middle. Not the front, with the chess club crowd, but definitely not the back either. I could hear the rowdy crew – Peewee and the others – questioning her. I craned my neck to listen. Honey. Surely her name couldn’t really be Honey.

*

It was because of Mr. Burgess that we became friends, it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. 

‘Jade,’ Mr. Burgess wiggled a chunky red finger at me at tutor time that morning. ‘You take Honey around, show her where all the classrooms are.’

I stepped forward and nodded, feeling my cheeks flush, feeling like I might trip over my feet as we walked. I showed her the Science block first, giving her way too much detail on what the teachers were like and where the Bunsen burners were kept, then I said we should go to the Art block.

‘Do we have to go in the rain again,’ she blinked her large, dark eyes at me, her long eyelashes splayed out like spider’s legs.

‘Erm, we have to cross the courtyard again yeah.’

‘Let’s not… my hair’ll go all big.’ She flicked her poker straight hair over her shoulder. ‘GHDs.’

‘Nice,’ I said. ‘My mum said they were too expensive.’

‘Mine too but I think she’s got a guilt complex. Is there somewhere we can go smoke? Like, under shelter?’

‘Erm, I dunno… the bus stop maybe? But someone might see,’ my face grew warm as Honey watched me expectantly. I turned and led her back out and we held our bags over our heads and ran through the wet car park. 

Under the bus shelter Honey pulled out a pack of cigarettes and handed me one. She flicked a lighter on and held it towards me and I sucked at the cigarette until warmth hit my throat, relieved that the inevitable cough wasn’t too dramatic. She lit hers and exhaled a plume of smoke from one corner of her mouth. She was the most glamorous thing I’d ever seen, standing there under the corrugated plastic roof as the rain’s soft tapping died away above us.

*

Over the next few weeks, Honey started coming over to mine in the evenings.  We’d sit cross legged on my bedroom floor with the TV on, taking it in turns to straighten each other's hair and work on our eyeliner flicks. Mine improved, but there was nothing I could do to make my eyes look like Honey’s.

Honey started sitting next to me in most classes too. The rowdy crew, who were clearly desperate to have her, seemed just as baffled as I was by this choice. But as the weeks wore on I noticed that when they talked to Honey, they’d sometimes talk to me too. Then one morning Peewee was handing cigarettes out on the bus when he heaved himself from his seat to offer me one, his arm lolling over my headrest, leaning into me as he swayed with the motion of a bend in the road.

*

On a crisp evening after the last of the leaves had fallen and the trees that lined our street were naked and reaching, Mum asked why I never went to Honey’s to play.

‘Play,’ I scoffed.

‘Alright,’ Mum lifted her palms to face me. ‘Hang out.’

‘She always wants to come here.’

‘Well it’d be nice to meet her mum. You girls are spending so much time together, it’d be nice to say hi.’

‘Yeah, sure, whatever.’ I got up from my place next to Mum on the sofa and left the living room, feeling her eyes on my back.

*

A few days later I’d wrangled myself an invite to Honey’s house and Mum said she’d come and pick me up after so she could make her intro.

Honey’s house turned out not to be a house, but a fairly small flat, and Honey’s mum wasn’t what I expected at all. She had very pale skin, bloodshot eyes with no eyelashes, and wore a piece of patterned material wrapped around her head.

Honey made toast spread thick with marmite, handed a piece to me and a piece to her mum, then flopped onto the sofa and draped her legs across her mum’s lap. I hovered for what felt like too long until her mum told me to take the chair.

After we’d finished the toast Honey pulled three cigarettes from a packet on the coffee table and handed them around. I watched in awe as she and her mum sat side by side, inhaling in unison as they exchanged thoughts about someone’s outfit in the Hello magazine that lay open beside them, their conversation flowing like the smoke that spilled from their mouths.

*

We spent the rest of the evening in Honey’s room which was so plastered in band posters that the wall was only visible in a few patches.

When Mum arrived to pick me up she seemed nervous and spoke far too quickly to Honey’s mum about where we lived and how nice it was that the girls have become such great friends. I rolled my eyes at Honey from behind Mum’s back and Honey winked at me.

In the car on the way home Mum kept drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. ‘Did Honey tell you about her mum?’ She reached out and twisted a dial on the dashboard until the radio faded beneath the hum of the engine.

‘Tell me what?’

‘That she’s very sick.’

‘That she’s what?’

‘Ill, Jade, she’s very ill.’

‘She seemed fine?’ 

‘She’s got cancer, Jade.’

‘How do you know?’

Mum paused then said, ‘it’s obvious darling,’ in a softer voice. ‘She looks very poorly… You keep looking out for Honey, won’t you? Try and talk to her about it?’

I lent my head against the cold glass of the passenger window and watched a squashed McDonald’s cup skirt along the pavement as we turned onto our road.

 *

Three weeks later, Honey didn’t show up for school. I messaged her once at break and again at lunch with no response. She wasn’t there the next day either, and Mr. Burgess took me to one side at tutor time and told me Honey’s mum was going into a hospice and Honey needed time off to take care of her.

When I got home, I told Mum what Mr. Burgess had said.

‘That poor girl,’ Mum’s eyes grew watery. ‘Has she got a dad in the picture?’

I shook my head, the lump in my throat that had been there all afternoon swelled painfully. Mum came towards me with her arms open. I pushed passed her and walked out of the room.

‘Jade, I want to help,’ she called after me as I climbed the stairs. I went into my room and snapped the door closed behind me.

The next morning I woke up with Mum sitting on my bed, stroking my hair.

‘Woah don’t be a creep,’ I sat up.

‘Bought you a tea,’ Mum placed a mug on my side table. ‘Honey’s so lucky to have you caring for her, you’re a good friend. You stick with her.’

I pulled my arm away from Mum’s hand and wriggled out from beneath my crumpled duvet and, ignoring the tea, locked myself in the bathroom to do my makeup.

*

Honey was off school for a whole month. On her first day back I hugged her and told her I was sorry (just as Mum had coached me), my stomach bubbling uncomfortably. 

‘Thanks babe,’ she said, then she started telling me about this new show she’d been watching where people had to survive on a desert island and kill and eat whatever they could, and how it didn’t take long for them to all start fucking. 

*

The next weekend, we stole the bear from Peewee’s party. 

‘I have to have it,’ Honey gazed up at the rigid animal. ‘Look at the sign! It’s meant for me.’

The bear stared down at us through its glass, black eyes. Its nails were long and curved, gripping onto the plinth beneath it.

Honey moved behind the bear and lifted its hind legs so it lurched towards me.

‘Help me!’ she said.

‘Are you serious?’ I backed away, half laughing.

‘Taking it with or without your help girl.’

The bear wobbled where Honey held it tilted forward. I grabbed its front and together we hoisted it up and away from its platform. 

‘How are we getting out without anyone seeing?’ I twisted my head to navigate a path through the other animals, the bear’s weight heavy in my arms. 

‘Back stairs,’ Honey said. 

We found the door and struggled down the staircase, the bear swaying from side to side as we moved.

We went out the back into the garden where there were various groups milling around, but it was dark and we made it around the outside of the house undiscovered. 

Once we were on the street we set the bear down and collapsed against each other, breathless. 

‘Now what,’ I gasped. The bear stood between us on the pavement half bathed in a streetlamp’s yellow glow.

‘It’s coming home with me,’ Honey said.

Although we only needed to walk a few blocks to get to Honey’s flat it took us half an hour, stopping regularly to stretch our burning arms and smoke, vapour ballooning from us in the night’s biting cold.

When we reached Honey’s front door she insisted she could manage from here. I hadn’t been back to her flat since my first visit, but I knew Honey’s aunt was staying there now. Honey said her aunt was doolally but alright really.

I walked away, turning back at the street corner to see Honey sat in the doorway, her head slumped against the bear’s shoulder.

*

The next morning Honey messaged me first thing to tell me to come over.

Mum was already up when I went downstairs. ‘I was hoping we’d hang out today darling, we could go shopping.’

‘I’m going to Honey’s,’ I pulled a slice of white bread from the bread bag.

‘I haven’t seen anything of you recently.’

‘You told me to stick with Honey.’

‘Sure, I did, I did… how is she?’

‘Fine I think.’

‘Have you asked her?’

I smeared yellow margarine across my bread. ‘Um, yeah. I think so.’

*

Honey’s flat looked much the same as it had when I’d last visited. The TV was on and there was a soggy bowl of uneaten Rice Krispies on the table. There was an indent on the faded, leather sofa and I felt slightly panicked realising that was where Honey’s mum used to sit. I guess Honey sat there now. I didn’t see her aunt but Honey said she was around.

Honey led me straight to her room. She’d taken down her band posters revealing pale walls which were now speckled with patches of chipped paint and splodges of blue tac.

Honey gestured towards the corner of her room, her eyes bright. The bear was standing on the floor tucked between boxes and a stack of books with dust floating around it. Somehow it looked more threatening in the dull morning light, as if it was going to leap up at me at any moment.

‘How did you get it through here on your own?’

Honey lifted her arm, tensed and kissed the skin where the muscle had slightly raised. 

‘Okay Hercules,’ I said. ‘And what, you’re just going to keep it here?’

Honey shrugged and walked over to the bear and rested her hand on its head. ‘My aunt’s so batty if she sees it she’ll probably just think it’s hers. I’ve got something else to show you.’ She walked to the other side of her room and I followed, feeling the bear’s eyes track me as I moved. She handed me a book her cousin had given her that was full of hot but bad men. She’d opened it on a dog-eared page and I felt my heart thud as I read the description. I threw it down and pulled out a cigarette.

‘We can still smoke here?

Honey shrugged then went to her wardrobe and brought out a blue dress covered in silver specks.

‘This on you,’ she held it against my body, the material glistening as it moved.

‘As if,’ I said.

‘Come onnn, you’d look so good. Try it on.’

‘I’m smoking,’

‘Jade, you’ll look hot. Try it.’

‘It’s still got the tags on.’

‘That’s right bitch,’ Honey twirled around with her arms stretched wide. ‘The stealer of bears and all the wonders of the land.’ She bowed and I laughed, then she pulled more things out of her wardrobe, armfuls of tag-covered tops and bras. She pulled her t-shirt off over her head and suddenly her dark nipples were inches from my face, pointed and dimpled. I dropped my gaze to the floor and sucked at my cigarette.

‘Damn,’ Honey fastened one of the bras behind her back and looked into the mirror on her wardrobe door. ‘Push up. This really helps.’

I glanced up at her reflection. I could see the lining of laced knickers above her jeans and a pink jewel twinkling in her belly button.

‘You don’t need it,’ I said.

‘We don’t all have your giant knockers, Jade,’ she pulled at the bra’s tags until they snapped free. ‘Glad you think I’m good without it though.’ She turned back to face me as she unhooked the bra and threw it to one side. ‘Put that dress on.’

I stood up and turned away from her as I pulled my top off. I tried to get the dress on too quickly and had to readjust to get my arms through the sleeves. The room’s silence felt deafening as Honey watched me.

‘Yes girl,’ Honey said when I turned back around. I could see myself in the mirror behind her, my shoulders awkward and square from the effort of holding my tummy in. Honey turned to face the mirror too and put her arm around my shoulder. ‘We’re it.’

I looked down to see the bear peering up at us, its yellow plastic teeth jutting out of its dry looking gums, its face lopsided where its eyes were slightly uneven in size.

*

That night I lay on my bed and watched light fall across my wall in slats as cars drove past my blinds. I felt jittery and only half knew I was dreaming when I saw the bear wearing the blue sparkly dress and dancing with Honey while I lay slumped at their feet, trying to get up but finding my limbs too heavy to move.   

*

A few weeks later, on a wet day when the sky hung heavy and low, Honey and I sat in the cafeteria pushing food around our plates when Peewee arrived beside us. His hair was spiked and he’d managed to yank his uniform trousers half way down his bum. He put a piece of paper on the table next to us. ‘Handing these out in case you saw anything.’

It was a missing poster with a photograph of the bear in black and white in the middle, and reward for any information printed in smudged ink beneath.

I looked at Honey. Her face was momentarily still, but then she smiled up at Peewee.

‘A bear?’ Her eyelashes fluttered as she blinked.

‘My dad’s. It got stolen, probably at my party. He told the police and everything.’

‘Police?’ I stiffened and Honey looked at me warningly.

‘Yeah I mean I dunno if they care but it is like, worth a lot… so if you saw—’

‘Oh my god I loved your party,’ Honey interrupted. ‘Loved your huge, big house.’ She was staring up at Peewee and leaning back so that a gap opened in her shirt where the buttons strained at her chest.

‘Yeah?’ Peewee looked down at her, colour creeping up his pale neck.

‘We’d love to come over again, hang out, me and Jade.’

‘Oh, yeah, any time,’ he stumbled over his words, his cheeks reddening.

‘You’ve got my number,’ Honey flicked her hair over her shoulder, still smiling. Peewee nodded and paused for too long before shuffling away to hand out more posters.

‘What the fuck?’ I said.

‘He’s cute,’ Honey shrugged.

‘Is he?’

Honey pushed her plate away. ‘Let’s go smoke, I've got weed.’

Out in the parking lot we stood under the bus shelter as Honey rolled a spliff.

‘Where d’you get that?’ I watched as she crumbled green leaf onto a soft bed of brown tobacco. 

‘My mum had a bunch.’

‘Oh… yeah.’ There was a gold bracelet glinting on Honey’s wrist, it was one my mum had given me for my birthday last year. Honey had borrowed it a few weeks after we’d met but still hadn’t returned it.

‘Are you worried about the police?’ I asked. The buzzer sounded from the buildings behind us and I moved to shield Honey from view as people started to walk between blocks.

‘Nah.’ Honey licked the rizla and sealed it shut. ‘How would they find it? Besides, we’re in this together, like those chicks that drove off the cliff in the car.’ She lit the spliff and inhaled until amber flickered at its end. She handed it to me and I took a drag and felt my head spin instantly.

‘Easy,’ Honey said as I inhaled again.

I sat down on the concrete and felt Honey sit down next to me. She took the spliff from me and smoked the rest of it with her head lent against my shoulders while I watched the tires of the parked cars flicker and wobble, and tried my best not to throw up.

*

That Friday night Honey had made plans for us to go over to Peewee’s. She said his parents were away and it would be just us and a few from the rowdy crew. We better look banging, she messaged.

I put the blue sparkly dress on and stared at myself in the mirror, imagining what it would look like on Honey.

Mum knocked at my door and opened it before I'd had time to move.

‘I thought you were just hanging out with Honey tonight?’ She scanned me up and down.

‘I am, but at a party. A small party.’

Mum folded her arms across her chest and lent against the door frame. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Sure.’

She was silent a moment then said, ‘I miss you, Jade.’ 

‘Okay, cool, whatever.’ My mouth felt dry. ‘You can go now.’ I glanced briefly up at her, wishing I could pull my words back from where they hung on the air. Mum had her lips pressed together and was staring down at an old tea stain on my rug. ‘That dress looks nice on you.’

To my horror I felt my throat go tight. Mum hesitated, then came into the room and sat on my bed.

‘Talk to me.’ Her voice was calm but firm.

I sat down next to her. ‘You know you said I’ve got to stick with Honey?’

Mum nodded.

‘Well… what if I don’t want to stick with her anymore?’

‘But you love Honey?’

‘I don’t love Honey.’

‘I didn’t mean like that, though it would be fine if you did, you know that right?’

‘Oh my god, Mum.’

‘No?’ 

‘No.’

‘And now? Have you fallen out?’

‘It’s just I think that maybe she might be a bad person.’

‘Oh darling… she’s going through a lot.’

‘She stole a bear.’

‘A bear?’

‘A bear.’

‘What do you mean a bear?’

‘She stole a stuffed bear. Peewee’s dads stuffed bear.’

‘A stuffed bear?’

‘A dead stuffed bear.’

‘Taxidermy?’

‘Yeah, that.’

Mum exhaled. ‘I see.’

‘Yeah. She stole other things too… do you think, should we call the police?’

‘Oh love. Think carefully. She’s in turmoil. She needs you right now.’

‘What would happen to her if we called the police?’

Mum’s forehead creased. ‘Hard to know… Maybe nothing, maybe something.’ She reached out and pulled me in to a hug. I leant reluctantly against her chest then felt my body slacken as I sucked in her familiar scent.

*

Later, me and Honey walked down Peewee’s quiet street, moving through patches of light that fell in circles across the damp pavement.

‘I don’t get why we’re doing this,’ I said. ‘It’s like returning to the scene of the crime.’

Honey snorted. ‘It wasn’t exactly a crime.’

‘It was, quite literally, a crime.’

Honey took my hand in hers and squeezed it as we turned into Peewee’s drive. ‘I just need to have some fun you know, with everything.’

I nodded, then realised she wouldn’t be able to see me as we walked, so said, ‘yeah, of course.’

‘I really like having you as a friend,’ Honey said, ‘it’s helping me.’

‘Really?’ I felt my heart flutter and tried to imagine what Mum would tell me to say. We reached Peewee’s front door and Honey pressed a French tipped nail against the doorbell.

‘I’m sorry about what you’re going through,’ I said. ‘I don’t always know what to say, even when I w…’ I swallowed, stumbling halfway through my sentence.

Honey raised a pencilled eyebrow at me, then smiled and pecked me on the cheek.

The door opened and we were bathed in the glow of the corridor. I followed Honey in, watching her hair sway and shimmer as she walked, my cheek tingling where she’d kissed it.

When we got into the living room Peewee hugged Honey tightly, then he hugged me too but let go immediately. The rowdy crew were scattered around cross-legged on the floor armed with drinks and cigarettes.

Honey had brought some vodka which she poured into two glasses and topped with Pepsi. I drank mine in one and poured another, waiting for my insides to ease.

‘Wooo she’s getting on it,’ Peewee said.

‘Yes Jade,’ Honey said.

They were on the sofa, their legs already intertwined.

I drank more until my head started to swim and I found myself laughing with the others, and even saying things that made them laugh too. We sat in a circle playing card games that resulted in people drinking a filthy concoction from a wok that stood on a box between us all. Then Honey lent over, clasped my knee and whispered, ‘I asked him to show us his dad’s animals.’ Her breath was warm and tickled my ear. I shook my head, but Honey nodded and pulled me to my feet and from the room.

Upstairs we walked through the animals, Peewee telling us how the preparing, stuffing and mounting process worked and how he’d spent his childhood finding his dad’s dead rodents stashed behind the milk in the fridge.

‘That bear was his favourite though,’ Peewee said as we arrived at the empty plinth.

‘It did look like a good bear,’ Honey winked at me behind his back. ‘In the photo.’ 

Then Honey was kissing Peewee, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pushing him against the empty platform. Ice formed and hardened in my stomach and I wondered how many of the animals I would knock over if I closed my eyes and ran from the room. 

Honey reached out and groped for my arm, I could see my birthday bracelet dangling from her wrist. She pulled me forwards and I stumbled into them, then Peewee’s hand was on my back and sliding down onto my bum, and Honey was kissing my neck and I felt a throb between my legs.

Honey unzipped Peewee’s jeans and reached her hand into them. Honey’s hair was in my face and I could smell her sweet shampoo. Then Honey dropped to a squat and pulled Peewee’s hips forwards and Peewee started drawing quick, sharp breaths. I looked down and Honey’s wide, brown eyes peered up at me. She pulled her head back and placed the penis into my hand. It felt wet and too hard to be human flesh. My hand moved mechanically back and forth and I kept my gaze locked on the empty plinth over Peewee’s shoulder until I felt hot liquid dribble through my fingers.

I wiped my hand on my dress while Honey whooped and clapped. 

After the three of us had walked back downstairs I went to the bathroom. I found a nail brush propped in the shower and scrubbed at my hand until it was red, then I slumped onto the floor and lent against the bathtub. I closed my eyes and saw the bear coming to life, glassy eyes roving, growling in guttural barks. It climbed up onto Honey’s bed while she slept and clawed at her, ripping, tearing until she was nothing but blood and guts.

I got my phone and messaged mum to come and get me. She messaged back almost immediately. No words but a smiley face. I crept out the back way and stood at the side of the house listening to the thud of the speakers and shouts of laughter. When mum pulled into the road her car was the only movement around. I ran over and got in, slamming the door and feeling the silence of the car’s insides press against me.

‘All okay?’ Mum pushed the gear stick and we started to move. I leant back and watched the light the spilling from Peewee’s window in the wing mirror as we pulled away.